When does a conversation topic become Taboo?
How can I convey an experience I’d like to share? Hmm. Well. Without flare or flash I’ll write plainly.
Just like taking a course to learn a new subject or skill, I find that when it comes to life and our own personal social skills – the BEST most effective method to educate one’s self, is to be open to meeting new people with whom you meet without expectations over something safe like coffee in a very public place.
Before establishing a meeting location, be sure to case the area out (for your own personal safety and for the proximity of any sex shops)
I bet you didn’t expect that last bit. AND normally, I’d figure it’s something you wouldn’t need to ‘consider’ since there aren’t that many coffee establishments near and dear to a ‘sex’ shop – unless of course you fall victim to going for coffee on Davie street downtown and end up at the coffee shop, a skip, hop and a jump from Little Sister’s Bookstore (which sells some ahem, interesting items best left not talked about with someone you JUST MET).
Have I lost you?
I’ll back up a bit. I forget how exactly we started talking to each other through internet land, however it was decided to meet “Lee” at the “Beans around the world” coffee shop on Davie street near the Rogers store. It was a cold, dreary rainy day and I lived near Commercial Drive with a few errands to run that day. Lee, the person I was meeting for the first time was available after 2pm due to some kind of work appointment with a boss so we chose this easily located coffee shop. He showed, we talked. It wasn’t horrible to talk to this person, he seemed ‘normal’. Lee, a smoker (something he neglected to mention previously) wanted to smoke so we moved from inside to the back patio (where smoking within X meters was still allowed). Our conversation spanned many ‘safe’ topics and eventually wound down. Now of course I must be getting senile, because I can’t remember the bridge between that moment in time and then suddenly how I found myself in “Little Sisters Bookstore” (the establishment mentioned above) – perhaps I went there briefly to purchase tickets to an event that are only sold through them? In any case, I suppose in my naivety I hadn’t considered that one should NEVER connect someone you JUST MET to something as personal as a sex shop (even if you only intended on going to the cashier to buy your future event ticket). For the RECORD, it was never my intention to go to Little Sisters with anyone other than myself. (What kind of gal do you think I am?)
Now I’m pretty open minded and can have a logical, conversation about a VARIETY of topics, however perhaps since that newly met person decided to check out that establishment at the same time, our conversation ended up almost scientifically talking about the establishment’s wares. I lived three years in Switzerland – a very LIBERAL and open country – so unlike most North Americans, I have a very frank opinion about sexuality etc.
HOWEVER, hindsight is 20-20 and suggests to me now that one should never mix the two (newly meeting someone and ANY sexual conversation even if not directly applicable to oneself). Mixing the two may encourage/imply to the other person that what was simply platonic conversation could/may be taken as some kind of invitation?
In any case the next time we met again for conversation (over coffee or some such thing), we were planning to attend an upcoming film festival, which he was getting free tickets for us for. When the time came to the festival, I wasn’t feeling especially well, but being someone who rarely ditches, we met with plenty of time to spare. Now I suppose first impressions, impressed upon him that somehow I was someone I’m not etc. As I felt progressively more ill, it became apparent to me that this guy felt to share with me that he’d ‘trimmed his faculty’ as he perceived the he was going to be getting lucky. (He used the less direct wording to which I stood dumbfounded upon hearing). HUH?
Ewwwwwwwww
Needless to say, feeling as ill as I was and after hearing that, I called it an evening (to which he was not impressed that I was leaving due to feeling now understandably doubly nauseous). He was aggressively angry and felt justified in treating me like the scum he was. Like shaving somewhere other than your face is something that took too much time or effort and would of course warrant attention??
Like WOW.
So why did I share that with you now? Well last night during a communal seawall walk with approximately 25 people whom most I’d never met before, at one point the conversation turned sexual after another mentioned the ‘sterility’ of our government. Like Sterility prompts a conversation about sex? Um okay. After a few good chuckles and a few cute comments, we continued our walk and eventually finished and headed our own ways home. With such a large group in a environment such as that (beautiful clear and warm evening with a huge orange moon in which to walk the seawall by), it was fairly easy to talk to whomever you could keep pace with, and enjoy the stroll. Most of the walk I conversed with Mr. X. A very interesting and kind individual. At evenings’ end he very gentlemanly offered me a ride to what I thought was the seabus terminal (to which I waffled at only due to the perceived traffic in that area-he hadn’t made me feel uncomfortable in our lengthy conversation). Mr. X ended up dropping me off in front of the North Vancouver home, where I rent a room. Impressive until Mr. X mentions something about my accidently brushing against his arm at some point that evening and that my upper body had brushed him. Ummm WHAT?
Not to let things lie as uncomfortable as they suddenly were, I stated that it wasn’t something I’d expect to be discussing with him, having just met him that evening. Mr. X mentioned that he had felt that it was within our conversational boundary as we had talked about ‘sex’ during the walk, after which I clarified that the GROUP had that conversation and that, what he was saying wasn’t appropriate.
So I’m now left with the doubt. Are these two scenarios the same? Was Mr. X just nervous, saying whatever came to mind? At least with this newest ‘event’ I know I personally wasn’t responsible for any ‘taboo’ one-on-one conversation. After all what about those first impressions?
I am a student who is currently within a month of graduating the college program I’m attending. With the added joy of an exam on Monday and two major assignments due about the same time, with today being Saturday I’m hermitting (it is a word if I choose to believe it right?) and not taking any calls until I accomplish all the above. (Wish me luck).
Mr. X called without leaving a voicemail then sent a text, to which I replied that I was studying and was unable to talk further with all that’s on my plate (for no other reason honestly). Mr. X then again called which I didn’t answer. How CLEAR do I have to be? I have a few tasks to accomplish and little time. You are frustrating me.
*Note: Mr. X and I discussed relationships to which we both discussed our individual thoughts on the topic. I outlined my career goals, wants etc (not wanting to jump into a relationship – but to focus on my goals). Mutually we seemed to be on the same page (unless I was being told what I wanted to hear?)
I'd prefer to think the best of a person versus the worst... but could Mr. X be the stalker he joked about? Or is he simply over eager?
That reminds me of someone I used to know. Mr. Y. He was sweet and was at all times respectful. Unfortunately his over-eagerness overly encouraged him to call/text and email me at multiple instances in a very short short period of time EACH time the mood struck. That much attention just freaked me out. Which is really too bad since it then led me to not feeling comfortable around him (he also was too touchy feely even after I said I didn’t feel the same and that I’d prefer to be friends if possible). When someone ‘leans in’ to sniff your hair or to simply be in your ‘orbit’ that’s pretty much a deal breaker. Yikes.
When I started dating someone who DID make me feel comfortable, relaxed and ‘safe’, it apparently was a huge let down for Mr. Y (to which I felt guilty). WHY should I feel guilty?
So in summary, do this, don’t do that and RELAX people. Life is an experience; enjoy the ride while you can.
Oh my goodness I need to get back to my too much to do assignments/studying.
Good night/morning!
