Ana Cristina Garcia's Blog

From the critically acclaimed blog writer Ana Cristina Garcia and after a very long hiatus, here is her new blog entry that will make you fall asleep in boredom. Here are some of the media’s reactions to this literary accident:

“Same old, same old” The Cross-dresser Times

“Not the same story again” Drag Magazine

“If I read one more story like this from her I will commit suicide” The TG Herald

But why take their word for it when you can verify yourself? Take the plunge…

An Unscheduled Visit to the Therapist

The last time I had been out to the therapist was on December of 2008 and since then I had only been out one more time, last week, with my sister-in-law. That outing was cut short and did not get to do all we had planned. Therefore, I was left a bit anxious to be out again and luckily I got to go out, on my own, just a few days later (Monday, October 19). Following are the accounts of this unexpected but satisfying time out and about as Cristy.

On Sundays temperature dropped down dramatically (for tropical standards) and I decided that if it continued on Monday I would dress and try to go out. The reason I would prefer a cold day is that I can wear clothes that cover up my legs and chest without having to shave. I had dreamed about going out in one of the warm mini-dresses that I had worn, with tights and high heels, for a photo session last January. I was undecided between the gray and the brown sweater-mini-dresses seen on the links below (from January):

Brown:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/3292401559/

Gray:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/3270000780/

My wife was out of town so I could not ask for her opinion so I emailed a couple of photos in each outfit to my sister-in-law and she recommended the brown. I was all made up and ready to put on the dress when I got her response and took her advice. I wore it exactly as I did in January except that I wore a brown top underneath to cover the white corset since the dress has a see-through knit in the middle, as you can see in the photo above. I also wore a different watch and styled my hair a bit different, without the bangs. One thing that made a big difference in my appearance was a piece of advice I got from my s-i-l regarding how to put on makeup base by pressing the sponge against the face rather than rubbing it. I totally recommend that, as the coverage is more even and the pores are less evident. I could not help to think that the first time we went out with her it was me giving makeup advice to her and now, after paying more attention to her appearance (which she says was motivated by seeing how her brother-in-law could make himself into a convincing woman). I guess that there is always something to learn, even for a veteran.

This is how I looked after returning from my long-awaited little adventure into the real world:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/4030933986/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/4030177723/

Notice the different hairstyle and wristwatch. Other than that it is all the same as in January.

Once all was in place I put plenty of Ralph perfume on me and I was ready to head out at around 5 p.m. My plans were to drive to the mall and wonder about for a while but then it occurred to me that I could stop by the therapist’s office and say hello to the secretary with the excuse that I had lost my cell phone and their number with it. Remember that to her, I do not live in town and come every so often to visit family and when that happens I try to schedule and appointment.

As is usually the case when I go out, I always have someone on call in case I run into trouble. That person is usually my wife but since she was out of town, I called my sister-in-law and she was up to it.

I got there and took a final check on my makeup and hair before getting off the car. Once I was ready I got off the car, walked to the doctors office and rang the bell. It was about 5:10 and I knew the doctor would be seeing his last patient of the day. To my surprise, the door was opened not by the secretary but by a female psychologist that works there too. I said hello and noticed that the secretary was on the phone as we smiled at each other. She seemed pleased to see me and after hanging the phone up we greeted with the traditional kiss on the cheek.

I sat down and she said that it had been a long time. I replied that I had lost their telephone number and therefore had not been able to set appointments on previous visits to town. She then gave me a card with the numbers and I put it in my purse as I commented that maybe I would call before I returned home (in Miami) to set an appointment. She said that the last patient of the day had canceled and that the doctor could see me right then. I replied that it would be fantastic but I did not have any cash on me to pay for the session. She said that she would go upstairs and ask the doctor if I could pay later and he said that he would see me in five minutes. As you can imagine, this is not what I had planned but I thought it would give me the chance to interact a bit more as Cristy only this time with someone who knew who I really was. The secretary offered me something to drink and I declined her offer arguing that I had just met for coffee with some girlfriends. She then asked if I had cut my hair and I replied that I had only styled it differently. As a matter of fact, since it is a wig, I guess that I have always had it the exact same length up to a micron. We chatted about this and that and then the doctor called for me so I got up and went up the stairs. He came out to greet me and said that it was a pleasant an unexpected surprise.

Conversation with the doctor was very casual an informal, this time. We talked about what I was wearing and I told him that I was a bit self-conscious given that I was wearing a mini-dress but he said that I looked very good in it and that my legs looked ok in tights and a little thin if anything. He also mentioned that the only thing that looked a bit suspicious were my hands but that for a tall woman that would border on the big side. Keep in mind that for our culture, at 5’ 6” without heels, I am a tall girl. If you add, at least 4” heels then I am much taller than the average female here and even those who are as tall or taller then I, are a lot thinner, most of the time. All in all, I am lucky to still able to pass for a taller than usual woman.

We talked about many topics including his family, specially his grandchildren. I felt right in character all the time and the only odd thing was a call that my male side had to made to the secretary to cancel the appointment “he” had for Wednesday. I could not afford two appointments so close to each other and since the issues of my male side are under control there was not much need for that. For those who are not aware from previous postings, Cristy does not go to therapy to be treated on cross-dressing or anything else. It is just a mere excuse that her male side cooked up along with the doctor so that she could have a safe environment in which to interact and where everybody else thinks of her as a genetic female (or so it seems so far after 13 visits over a 3 year period).

When discussing how would we handle payment for the session he said that my male side could bring it or that Cristy could send payment with someone else but that would be difficult. It occurred to me that if I had a chance to dress the following Thursday (my dressing window would end on Friday) Cristy would drop by to pay herself. I am hoping for this last option, as you can imagine.

Before the session came to an end, I told the doctor that I had plans to go to the mall and that I needed him to check if there was anything suspicious. Again, all of the times I have been to the mall on my own I have worn pants and not dresses and this dress was short. He did not see anything out of order, I greeted him goodbye and came down the stairs. As I came down the secretary was still there but was on the phone again. I just waved her goodbye and as she put the phone aside to say bye I told her that I might stop by on Thursday to pay for the session. There was a guy in the waiting room and I just smiled, greeted him and went out the door.

I walked to my car and started driving to the mall. I arrived at the mall at around 6:30 and it was already dark. The mall was more crowded than I expected, and I had trouble finding a parking place. I finally found one and walked towards the escalators. My first stop was at a drugstore to get me some throat pills. A guy who treated me like any other customer tended me. He always used the female form and did not give any unusual or strange looks. After paying I put the pills and change in my bag and went on my usual shoe store “pilgrimage”. It is amazing how once you have attained self-confidence; the stomach butterflies are a thing of the past. I do miss them but enjoy my outings more now that it is second nature.

I went in almost all the shoe stores in the mall and in all of them interacted with the clerks, who were usually female. Again, there were no signs of anyone noticing I was not a woman. Even though it was cold outside it was warm inside the mall and I got thirsty. I walked to the food court to get me something to drink at a Burger King. This time it was a man who tended me and all went smoothly. While I was at the cashier a lady stood next to me and we smiled at each other. She then said “Wow, you really look elegant” I thanked her and told her that I had dressed like that because it was cold but it was too hot inside and that why I was getting something to drink. Once I got my soda I said goodbye to the lady and looked for a table to sit. I sat for about 5 minutes while I finished my soda and then got up, dropped the cup in the trash and walked towards the lady’s room.

When I got in the lady’s room there were two other women grooming themselves up. I stood next to the long mirror and placed my bag on the vanity top to get my makeup out. You have no idea how I felt when I saw my reflection and I was these two other ladies and I was one of them. I was just another girl touching her makeup up before heading back home. The reflection in the mirror was that of a confident woman and one that was at ease with her appearance. I thought to myself, I look every bit as feminine as any of those other ladies. I touched up my lips, as I did not need powder or eyeliner and headed out feeling more confident and womanly than never before.

Before leaving I went to a couple more shoe stores and then went to a kiosk to pay for parking. Again I was kindly tended by a guy and walked to my car. I then drove back home with my confidence all charged up. I so needed this because it had been too long since I had been out in the wild at my own pace. One more confidence booster was that I was wearing more flashy clothes and even then I did not receive any suspicious looks from anyone that I noticed.

Being out in the real world is the ultimate experience for a cross-dresser and once you taste the sweet nectar you just can’t live without it. Dressing for staying in the confines of four walls is no longer as thrilling as it used to be. I’d rather wait for a long period to dress and go out than dress often and remain caged.

I am really looking forward to this Thursday and the idea of going to the therapist office to pay for my session last Monday. If you were able to get this far, I commend you for your perseverance and promise not to torture you with something like this again :-)

With my deepest respect and gratitude,

Cristy

FROM APE TO BABE - HOW FAR SHOULD A CROSS-DRESSER GO WITH DIGITAL PHOTO-MANIPULATION?

In the Beginning There Were Men Trying to Look like Women…

As soon as digital photography became available to the masses, I am sure that all of us, cross-dressers, saw and took advantage of an opportunity that was near the top of our wish list (second only to the temporary-transformation pill). At last, we would be able to take photos of ourselves without having to take the film for processing and the risks it involved.

Almost a decade has gone by and digital photography combined with the means for creating a female persona to interact with other people like us, has certainly been a dream come true for most of us. There is rarely a web-based community where TGirls in general and CDs in particular have not created a niche. MySpace, Yahoo 360, Hi5, Facebook, Flickr, YouTube, to name a few, allow us to have a circle of friends with whom to share this important aspect of our lives. There are also portals dedicated exclusively to the TG community and here I have to mention Urnotalone as a pioneer and the place where many of us made our debut. We use our profiles to share and exchange ideas, thoughts, feelings, and, of course, photos with those who understand us in every way because they have the same passion we have for transforming ourselves into women.

Digital photography is one of the means through which we can share with the world this other side of ourselves and, arguably, the most important (keep in mind that I am talking from a cross-dresser’s point of view). It is through photos that we show our friends how good and how far are we able to go in our transformation and give or ask for help in improving our image. We do this within a community of people who know what it is all about and accept us as men trying to look as female as possible. Having a physical or visual image that matches our pretended gender so that others can relate to this woman they are meeting and with whom they are developing a friendship is very important. How many times have we come across a profile that says that the owner will not add any faceless person as a friend? Yes, it is important to have a face and, even better to have a complete body, to make the woman we pretend to be, appear real to others. Now, unless we get an opportunity to, eventually, meet in person with all these friends, there is no way we can ever be completely sure that “she” is for real. Every day we see profiles of people pretending to be TGirls showing photos that are so obviously of genetic females or photos that are evidently photomontages. Rather than judging these people I’d like to think that in their need to give life to an image that, for various reasons, they are not able to produce themselves, they rely on photos that depict the appearance they honestly wished they had. After all, we live in societies that, sadly enough, favor beauty over intelligence, values or personality.

In the case of cross-dressers and maybe all other TGirls, beauty is even more appreciated than in the case of real women because we are not only contempt with being able to pass for a female but all the better if we can pass for a beautiful woman. It is no surprise then, that “beautiful” TGirls are often more popular, praised and admired than those who can totally pass for average looking females or those who are the intellectuals and activists of our community. There is a strive to look as pretty as possible; in some cases to satisfy our own needs, and I include myself here, and in other cases to gain the acceptance and admiration of the other “girls” in our circles of friends.


… Then, Along Came Photoshop and a Dilemma…

Another field that developed parallel to digital photography was digital photo editing and its power horse, Photoshop. Yes, we are talking magic here. All of us who have come across Photoshop and learned the basics have not been able to resist exploring all the possibilities that are limited only by our imagination and our skills using the program. The dilemma that we face now is: Is it valid to use Photoshop or any other photo editing program to touch up our photos? And if so, how much of that magic should we use without being deceitful or distorting reality? I am sure that there are diverse opinions and points of view in this regard and following I will try to give you my outlook on this topic and will illustrate with examples whenever possible.


… To Deceive or not to Deceive… That is the Question.

I started using Photoshop to eliminate red eye and to correct the color and exposure of my photos. Then, I used it to eliminate chest hair when I wore revealing tops, and leg hair when I did not wear double hose. I did not consider this practice deceitful since it was the equivalent to shaving my body. I do not have thick body hair but it sure is noticeable and disgusting and prevented me from wearing more revealing tops and/or skirts with bare legs and sandals. My wife is not comfortable with me being shaved all the time and since I am a male 99% of the time, neither am I. Consequently, Photoshop provides the best means for me to achieve, virtually, something I can do, in reality, only on rare occasions. Is this level of photo editing deceitful? I guess we could consider it a mild deception but don’t all the photos we see on printed advertisement and on beauty magazines have, in most cases, been heavily touched up? If you think that is not the case, just take a look at the following links and you tell me:

http://blog.sessions.edu/graphic-design/photo-retouching-the-delicate-balance/

In the previous link you see the before and after photo of Faith Hill. Granted that Faith is already a gorgeous middle-aged woman, they manipulate her photo to make her look a lot younger and shapely. Notice how her face is made smoother and slimmer as well as her arm. Also notice how the little hump showing on her back is removed and the clavicle is made less prominent. I have not read the text of the article sent to me by my dear friend Laura Recinos just recently, but it explains in detail how it was done. The following link provides even more dramatic examples of how a professional touches up photos from famous people for magazines. Click on each thumbnail and then roll the mouse over the enlarged photo to see how it was before and then roll out to see the after again.

http://glennferon.com/portfolio1/index.html


As you can see, all wrinkles are gone, boobs are made larger and with more cleavage and every little imperfection is taken care of to present a perfect image. This is the perfect image we all seek and strive for but, as the Dove commercial, in the link below, clearly states, it is an unrealistic and unattainable beauty standard since it is produced electronically. Yes, every gorgeous girl with a perfect body, face and hair we see in all sorts of magazine adds is not as perfect as she seems to be. Having a good raw material to start with makes the task easier but the photos they show us are idealizations achieved through the manipulation of photos of beautiful subjects that are close but not quite there and, in some cases, not even close to perfection, on their own. Every woman, and I count here TGirls too, would like to have the figure of a Barbie Doll or Jessica Rabbit but we know that their extremely slim waists and exaggerated proportions can only be produced in plastic or drawing and lately, with Photoshop. Our ideal of beauty has become, thanks to photo editing, quite unrealistic. Take a look at the Dove commercial now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U


A Justification… or Not.

Where does reality end and deception begin? In the case of cross-dressers it is very hard to define since we are already being deceitful by presenting an image that is opposite to our real gender. Wigs, makeup, breast forms, hip padding, corsets, lashes, nails, etc. are the physical tools we use to create an illusion. What is the difference then, between that and getting similar results with digital photo-manipulation?

If gorgeous models, actresses and singers have their already outstanding beauty electronically enhanced why shouldn’t us, ugly men trying to look like beautiful women, do it too? After all, we need it a lot more than they do. Don’t you agree?

If you ask me, I think we are entitled to do it; but how far should we go with it? In my opinion, we should go as far as to reproduce what we are able to achieve in reality if we have the opportunity. What I mean by this is: if I know I can look better if I shave my body but can’t do it all the time then why not get a virtual shave? If I know, I can produce a decent cleavage with tape and padding when I get to shave my chest then why not simulate it with Photoshop? I used to just remove the chest and leg hair with Photoshop until one time, a little over a year ago, that I got to shave my whole body and produced a pretty decent cleavage with tape. I could not believe my eyes when I saw myself in the mirror and even now, when I see the photos from then (see links below).

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=64501063&albumID=1148889&imageID=11241782

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/489126232/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2420393557/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/999288280/

It was after seeing how natural my tape-produced cleavage looked that I thought I was entitled to get Photoshop implants by either shading the flat chest or by superimposing and blending real boobs from real girls (it just occurred to me that maybe some of the boobies I have used for my photos might have already been touched up LOL). I will be the first to admit that I have gotten a bit carried away in the chest size and cleavage but if you are going to do it then do it right, don’t you agree? The links below show a few of the photos where I have incurred in what I like to call “Photoshop Implants”. Every time I post this type of photos I include a note stating that the breasts are not real. Please notice the difference with the “authentic tape-created cleavage” shown in the links above:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2467940763/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2264700419/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365114/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261488/


Up to this point I believe it is still justifiable, in my humble opinion, to use photo editing. Why? Because I have proven to myself (I do it first for me not for others) that I can achieve similar results in real life when I get a chance to shave. By the way, my wife has agreed to let me shave my chest the next time I dress which should be on the second week of June 2008, if all works out as planned. In order to further illustrate the two levels of photo improvement that I am comfortable posting I prepared an image showing the “hairy” Cristy (ape), the “No Cleavage” Cristy (not so babe) and the “Virtual Breast Augmentation” Cristy (arguably babe). I recommend you see the original size (if it fits in your screen). The link is:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2549828866/


How far should I go? I’d like you to tell me. Would you rather see, from left to right, Ape Cristy, Flat and hairless Cristy or Babe Cristy? In Yahoo 360 you will be able to cast your vote in the poll at the bottom but if you read this in MySpace or URNA, please leave a short note with your point of view in this “shallow” but interesting issue.

This writing should not be taken for a confession, because I have always made it clear that I am not smooth most of the time and have also included an explanatory note whenever I post photos showing enhanced breasts. The reason that gave me the idea to write about this topic is that, lately, I have gotten several messages asking me about my new implants and if I am happy with them, how do they feel, etc. I have also been asked about when am I having my SRS! It is evident that, as is often the case, we are so busy with other things that we just take a quick look at the photos and do not bother or have the time to read the captions below them. As a matter of fact I posted a before and after photo almost a year ago when I first started posting photos with “virtual implants” since it has never been my intention to mislead anyone. For those of you who have not seen it, here is the link (as with the other photos, I recommend you see it in large size):

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/967913811/


I am not an expert with Photoshop and am far from achieving the kind of work shown in the before and after photos seen in the links at the top. However, I have always been good with computers and have an artistic background that has helped me find my way around the program. Therefore, I have experimented further and just for fun have explored other manipulations that make me appear to have a more feminine appearance by altering the body shape in my own photos or simply putting my face on top of gorgeous GG bodies (a technique I like to call “virtual body snatching”). I don’t know if any of those bodies I have used have, in turn, been touched up before but they serve the purpose of having some fun in “wonderland”. I have shared some of them with close friends but have never posted any before, as I think this is far from reality and something I could not achieve on my own. In other words, I find these images completely deceptive and would not like to have anyone thinking they are real. For the first time ever I will post some of them on Flickr but for that I have created a new account in which I make very clear that they are all photomontages or extreme manipulations of my own photos. Yes, it is fun and gives me great satisfaction but it is not real. Following is the link to the home page for this Flickr profile. From there you can go to the photo pages.

http://www.flickr.com/people/27290011@N07/


Also, here is a link to the one photo of this kind I will post in my regular Flickr account:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2549828858/

I am fully aware that after seeing these last photos you will be wondering how much of the photos I post in my profiles and my real Flickr account is really me. It is an acceptable conclusion once I have shown the magic that can be made with just one program and there is nothing I can do about it. However, as a very dear friend has told me a number of times, my videos are proof of how I really look like and for those of you who are doubtful, here is the link to my YouTube profile:

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=cristy98girl



So, After all the Rambling, is There Anything to Conclude?

In conclusion, I think that it is all a game of make believe and as long as we do not hurt anyone else we should be entitled to do whatever we feel appropriate. In my case, I prefer to be honest and make things clear from the start but can understand how other people go for deception in their attempt to give life to a much needed female persona that matches their ideals and standards. However, I prefer when they state from the beginning that the photos show how they wish they looked like and not when they try to mislead others into thinking it is really them in the photo(s). In the case of the latter, the first person they are fooling is themselves but as long as they enjoy it and do not harm anyone in the process, then so be it.

Some of you might agree or disagree with my opinion and you are entitled to it. I have expressed my very own point of view with regards to this topic and I do the “virtual shaving” and “Photoshoped Implants” first and foremost for my own satisfaction; knowing full well that I can achieve similar results if I get a chance to shave all my body. In such cases, I have always made it clear whenever I think it might be misleading.

From now on I might continue posting my “body and face alterations” and my “ virtual body snatching” photos exclusively in the new Fickr account, where I will not post any regular photos of me. I am still debating if I should post the original next to the manipulation in the case of those photos that are not my own since I have not used them with permission. I am also debating if I should open the profile to friend adds and the photos to comments but once you read this document, the decisions will have been made and maybe a Pandora Box will be opening. It seems that in this virtual world our appearance will be composed of our own raw material and our, or other people’s, skills to enhance it. We will eventually get to the point where it is not only about how good or bad we look but also how good can our photos be enhanced by ourselves or by others.

It seems that I just can’t keep a blog entry short but if you were able to stand the reading to this point, we have finally reached the end :-). Thank you for your interest and I will appreciate your feedback if you consider it appropriate.

Hugs and best regards to all,

Cristy.

Ok, it has been six weeks since my last and seventh visit to the therapist and the next one will be this week on November 27 (actually, tomorrow). I thought about waiting until then and write about the two together but decided to keep them separate and shorter than usual, if I can.

I will begin by repeating something I explained since my first blog about my visits, regarding my motives to go to the therapist as Cristy. It seems like many of you believe that I go there for therapeutic reasons when it is, actually, only an excuse to have a safe and controlled environment where I can go from time to time without much of the risk that my wife tries to avoid when I go out as a girl. As many of you might recall, I started going to therapy as a male to get help with an anger management issue that, after almost two years, I can proudly say is a think of the past. However, I continue to go every other week in boy mode because I find it refreshing and a good way to vent whatever is going on in my life at the moment. Since my first visit I was open to the doctor and told him about my being a cross-dresser and explained to him what it was all about since he had no experience in the field. Several months later, it occurred to me that it would provide a safe environment for Cristy to be out and about given that we had discussed my need to go out with my wife and she was concerned about my safety. I asked my wife first and she agreed and then asked the doctor and he said that he had no problem with it. I was clear with him that it would be just an excuse and that we could talk about anything and not necessarily TG issues. He suggested that Ana Cristina García would have to register as a new female patient and get her own record. I did just that and to this date only the doctor knows that Cristy is not a woman. I can’t assure that nobody suspects but so far I have not received any signs of that and neither has the doctor.

During all the years of useless therapy in my teens and early twenties, I dreamt about going to therapy as Cristy but never got the nerve to ask and I am not sure if I would have dared. Now, here I am talking about a seventh appointment and getting ready for the eight. Each time I go out there I try to go somewhere else but that is not always possible. Twice I had gone out with my sister-in-law but all the other times she has been either busy or out of town. This seventh time she was away on business and guess what? She will also be away the day I go out for the eight appointment. I will try to talk my wife into letting me go to the mall by myself but I can’t hope for much. Ok, but let’s get on with the story…

Since the previous time I had decided on what outfit to wear for the next visit. It was time to wear pants again so I choose a pair of blue pants with white stripes, a red woven top and my 4 ½ red platform peep-toe heels. You have seen the previews on flickr and on the previous blog entry but here are the links to some other photos and a variation I tried wearing a scarf around my neck after returning from the therapist.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365182/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2066567371/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2066567645/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2066567579/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365746/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2066567937/

I got there 15 minutes early and as soon as I rang the bell the secretary opened the door and greeted me with a big smile. We both seemed to be happy to see each other. I had called the week before to confirm the appointment and she was very happy to her from me then. She is a very sweet girl and we seem to get along very well even when I go there as a guy. If only she knew. Or does she suspect? I don’t know but as far as I can tell she does not show any signs of suspicion. Once I came in I noticed that this time there were no other people in the waiting room. I sat down in my usual seat and started chatting with the secretary. I have always shown interest in her college studies and asked her about how she was doing. She replied that she had completed her curricula and was ready for the final arrangements for graduation. I already knew that because she had told my male self about it. Knowing what she would tell meI had rehearsed my response and with my most feminine reaction and voice of excitement congratulated her. We talked about how proud she and her parents must have felt and I commended her for her effort on working all day, going to college at night and then go back home to do homework. It is admirable, indeed, how so many women do that around the globe. And men still doubt that women are the better and strongest gender! It makes me feel proud about being, at least, a part time woman.

After that, she asked me if I had had a haircut. How is it that women always notice those things? I must admit that as much as I like to emulate women, I never notice those things. Heck, I don’t even notice when my wife gets a haircut. Did the secretary have a reason for asking that? Yes she had and I was prepared for it too. As a matter of fact I was wearing, for the first time, my brand new wig. It is exactly the same brand, model and color as the other but since this is new, it has more luster and a bit less body making my hair look thinner and more straight. So, I replied that I did not had a haircut but that I had my hair ironed. She said that it looked great and I felt very flattered. I don’t know if it was an honest opinion since women are always complimenting each other without necessarily meaning it. For some reason women try to make other women feel good about themselves and as women emulators, we, cross-dressers, do the same. It is sort of a bond and pact of conduct that is totally foreign to men. Notice that I keep referring to women as if I were not one. The fact is that I am not one and we all know it. I only try to emulate one the best I can and for more on this you can read my previous blog entry entitled “A Prelude to the Seventh to the Shrink”. But I digress form the main topic so let me go on. After the short explanation I thanked her and asked her if she really thought I looked better and she said that she thought so. I was on cloud nine. Here I was, a woman, talking to another woman (a real one) about hairstyles and having my hair done and typical girlie talk. This was a first ever for me with someone that is not really close to me.

The conversation continued for some more time. We talked about the weather since it was a particularly cold day and she was wearing like two sweaters and was still shivering. I have always loved cold weather and I was only wearing my long-sleeve woven top. When I heard someone coming down the stairs I new it was about time to go up. A lady came down and greeted us. I greeted her back as she said goodbye to the secretary. The phone rang and the secretary told me that the doctor was ready to see me. I got up and walked up the stairs to the doctor’s office.

As I was finishing to climb the stairs, the doctor came out to greet me and we shook hands. I noticed that he stared at me with a look of surprise and he said “wow, Cristina, you are particularly tall today!” I smiled and after saying hello got in his office. As I walked in I slipped and almost fell down. The doctor reacted and tried to hold me but I was able to keep myself from falling. He then mentioned that they had just polished the floor. I showed him the reason why I looked taller and we joked about how hard a fall would it had been with those gargantuan heels. I mentioned that they are very high but very comfortable to wear and walk on. As a matter of fact, I love how they feel on.

Once I sat down he also mentioned that my breast looked larger than usual and I told him that it was the second time I was wearing my breast forms there and that maybe he perceived them larger because the top I was wearing this time was tighter. I then filled him in about the highlights of my conversation with the secretary and he also mentioned that now that I had told him he was able to see the difference in my hair (as I said, men do not notice these things). In his opinion I looked better with the older wig. He said that he liked women’s hair with more volume.

We talked about this and that and were even able to exchange thoughts on what it meant to be a cross-dresser and for the first time I felt that I was getting something out of my Cristy time at the therapist. It was never the intention but since it is unavoidable to talk about men dressed as women when I go as Cristy it was only natural. I have always known that it is all about the illusion and the clothes and makeup but I never had it so clear in my mind. I guess that from now on there will be some more substance from future visits rather than just killing an hour of time. After philosophizing about cross-dressing, I asked him how would he describe Ana Cristina. I could notice by his expression that I was putting him on the spot but he proceeded to give an answer. He started giving adjectives that he thought applied to me. He said Cristy was tall, that she was cute and looked younger than her age (insert big smile here) that she smelled good, that she was a dresser and was always elegant and showed class. He also said that she was very ladylike and that she had a very appealing smile. Being my worst critic I added: “and she has a huge nose and has bubbles of air in her head”. He admitted that my nose was big but that it was not a giveaway. I will have to disagree with him on that. If there is one thing I would physically change in me it would be my nose. I can live with all the other male features but am not too happy about my big fat nose :D

After that I asked him what he thought of my male self and he described him pretty much as he is. He forgot to mention that he did not look too bad as a girl but I can forgive that LOL. When time was up I shook his hand and said goodbye. I walked down to the secretary’s desk, paid, talked for a couple of minutes and we then kissed each other goodbye as I congratulated her on her academic achievement again.

When I got in the car I called my wife to tell her that I would go to a specialty grocery store that sells Spanish goods. It is located about 100 meters down the street from the doctor’s office and I had mentioned her that I might venture in there after my appointment. She said that it was ok but that I should be careful. I got in the car and drove to the parking lot of the store. As I got down I walked past a lady that used to live next door to me when I was a kid. I used to play with her children and she is still a good friend of my mother’s even thought they don’t see each other often. Obviously she did not recognize me and we smiled to each other as I got in the store. I say obviously because I am sure that she would have had a hard time recognizing me in my male mode after so many years.

I got in the store and noticed people looking at me pretty much in the same way as anyone else coming in the store. As I moved around nobody seemed to care about me and when I went past some other costumers, mostly females, we would smile at each other or just mind our own business. I noticed some looks but to my interpretation more in the lines of “that is one tall lady”. Believe me, here in Guatemala if anyone notices a guy in a dress they will not be able to let the event go without giving some noticeable signs. I am not saying that I will fool everyone all of the time and am sure that many times people might give second thoughts but so far none has confronted me or given signs of awareness. In any case, what matters is that I enjoy my time as Cristy and I try not to mind other people or fidget around to detect any unusual reactions. Passing is totally secondary to having a good experience and enjoying ourselves.

Once I found what I was looking for I grabbed a shopping basket and put the goodies in. I continued wondering around until I got to the seafood section. They had some deliciously looking stone crab legs that I just could not resist so I asked a female clerk if she could weight some of the packages for me. She helped me weighting several packages until we found one that had the right weight. She was friendly and very polite and we interacted in a normal way. After that she tagged the package with the price and I headed for the checkout counter. The cashier there was less friendly but not rude either. I gave her the information she needed for the invoice, paid in cash and headed out for the car. I got in the car feeling pretty good about the experience, called my wife once again and told her that I was on my way home but that I would stop by a MacDonald’s drive through to get some lunch. I got to the drive through line, ordered on the speaker and felt great again when the people there referred to me as a female (thank God that Spanish has a distinctive form for male and female adjectives and nouns). I drove back home and was so thrilled about the experience and the sensations and thoughts that I did not eat any of the junk food I had gotten.

Unlike other times when, after coming back to my parent’s home, I start changing into different outfits and taking lots of photos, I wondered around and did regular things in the outfit I had worn out. I took some video and took several photos with that same outfit and a couple of hours later changed into a sundress and took some photos with it and that was it for me. Here are the links to the videos and the photos wearing the sundress:

Videos:

English: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN5zrH1xcpg

Spanish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UjHAAKbT28


Photos in the sundress:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365056/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365114/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2066567435/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365354/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2067365578/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/2066567841/

I was contempt and feeling pretty good. I had been out once again and was feeling so good that I did not need to try many things to feel validated in the female role I was playing. I enjoyed the feeling and focused on enjoying it rather than on trying all the new dresses and shoes I had brought. There would be other opportunities for that. As I was starting to change my wife called and said that she was on her way there to help me with taking pictures and I told her that I was already winding down and was about to take my makeup off and take a shower to head for home. She was surprised that after almost four months of not dressing I was calling this session short and to be honest, I was surprised too. I realized that it is no longer so much about rehearsal time as it is about taking the stage and play the role. It is no longer so much about taking photos and video as it is about enjoying myself out there in the real world. I’d rather wait 3 months for a good chance to go out than dress once a week within the confines of my home or my parent’s home.

Tomorrow I will go to the shrink for the eight time and I can’t assure that I will feel the same but I know that I will do my best to enjoy every second of my time out. I hope this time it does not take too long for me to write a blog about it.

Hugs to all,

Cristy.

About the Poll --- I am wearing the new wig with the red top and blue pants and the old wig with the scarf and the tangerine sundress.

Some say that seven is a lucky number and when it comes to going out and having a good time pretending to be a girl any number can be thought of as lucky. In any case, my seventh time to the therapist as Cristy was a very special one not because of what I did or what I wore but for the feelings and realizations I experienced. These feelings, thoughts and realizations are not new but they have never been so clear to me.

It had been three and a half months since the last time I had dressed and gone out and I was really in need. However, I have noticed lately that I’d rather wait for a long time between dressings if that means I will get to go out as Cristy. It seems that the point is no longer taking photos and video while being within the confines of my or my parent’s home. Like most of us I believe that the ultimate thrill as a cross-dresser is being able to be out in the real world and do things that any regular person (i.e. a woman) would do. In this realm, passing is only a bonus. Some of us are lucky to be able to pass most of the time and some not but what really matters in the end is that we are pleased with ourselves and that we have a good time while dressed and acting as a woman. Please notice that I say “dressed and acting” and not “feeling or being” for which man can claim that he knows how it feels to be a woman? We could argue that there are some feelings and behaviors that are typically male or female but not necessarily exclusive to one or the other. As human beings males and females have more similarities than differences when it comes to thinking and feeling. Arguably, it is the psyche and/or the soul that we could think of having a particular gender. A male to female transsexual most likely has a female psyche and soul and therefore is able to feel and think like a woman but a heterosexual CD like me has a male psyche and soul and therefore can only speculate on what it is to feel or be a female. I will leave the philosophical ramblings for future blogs but I felt it was important to set the record straight in that I never think of myself as being a woman. I am basically a male who enjoys to, occasionally, play the role of a female with regards to appearance and mannerisms.

What is the thrill of dressing and going out all about then? In my case, and I would suggest that it is the same for most heterosexual CDs, it is about the clothes, makeup, accessories and mannerisms that make others perceive me more as a female than as a male. I am an actor playing a role and the more I am able to play it with success the more thrilling it is and the more satisfaction I derive from it. It is a role that I feel an urge to play and one that I specialize in. Staying home and taking photos and video could be thought of as the rehearsal and going out is being on stage performing in front of a real audience. If I play my role well it means that I am able to pass and fool most people around me and if I goof I will be booed or criticized. But it is not the audience approval what I mainly seek nor will criticism bring me down. What I seek is fulfilling this need to play the role within certain domains that deal mainly in the realms of appearance and mannerisms. I will not deny that passing is a wonderful reward and the ultimate proof of a job well done but the opportunity to play the part is rewarding enough.

I get a lot of satisfaction when I am taken for a woman but if the time came where someone confronted me I would gladly explain to him or her what it is all about and try to make him or her understand why there are people like me and why we need to do it. To me it is equally thrilling when someone who knows (i.e. my sister-in-law) tells me that I totally look the part than when I am able to sustain a conversation with a person who takes me for an actual female (i.e the doctor’s secretary) and does not show signs of doubts about it.

For what I have learnt from my own experience and fellow cross-dressers we all feel this ultimate need to go out dressed as a girl even in those cases when one knows that it is not likely that one will pass. The thrill of dressing in private gives us some satisfaction but it pales next to the thrill of being out in the real world. Depending on our individual skills and experience playing the role we will seek more or less public places yet the thrill of being out is just the same. I remember that my first times out in dark or lonely places with my limited skills were every bit as thrilling as my recent visits to the therapist or outings with my sister-in-law. Perhaps those early outings were even more thrilling and exciting because of their novelty. I no longer feel my heart heavily pounding like I used to in those early days. I guess that as I gain more confidence in playing the role with success the heavy pounding gives way to serenity and awareness of what I am about to do. I do not intend to be pretentious for it has taken me 30 years to be where I am today with regards to my cross-dressing. I have had my share of boos, criticism and odd looks over the years and it is only now that, thanks to feedback from my dear Internet friends, that I am able to play the role in a satisfying way. By that I mean that it is satisfying to me and my expectations and not that of those who interact with me and take me for a female.

Many times I wished that someone would notice something and confront me. Putting modesty aside I think I do a good job product of those 30 years of playing the role and it would be every bit as satisfying to receive a compliment for a good and fairly convincing transformation than passing flawlessly for a woman. I have been tempted to reveal myself a couple of times but I would not risk getting an unexpected reaction. Having said this, I go back to the point that it is all about the clothes, the makeup, the accessories and mannerisms that allow me to achieve the illusion of appearing to be a female. Therefore, I dare to say that the excitement a heterosexual CD gets from dressing is all about the “illusion”; about the “transformation”. The more we look like a woman the more excited we get and the same applies when we see other males transformed. Some mistake this “attraction for the illusion and the transformation for attraction to the person performing it. In my case, and again I would argue that it might be the same for most heterosexual CDs, I have it clear in my mind that the fact that I get some sort of arousal when I see a man that looks so much like a woman has nothing to do with the person and all to do with the illusion. When a male is able to blur the line and look convincingly as a female we, heterosexual CDs, feel a particular tingle in our senses that should not be confused for attraction for the person bending the gender lines (in terms of appearance). This is the same tingle that we experience when we feel and see ourselves all dressed up looking back in the mirror. We get aroused by the “illusion” whether it is performed by us or by others and it should not be confused for attraction towards the person performing it. As a matter of fact, when the illusion is performed close to perfection we keep looking for signs or hints that confirm that we are looking at a male and not a real female. This is why passing for a woman could be less thrilling than having someone say: “Wow, you are a guy and for a while you got me fooled thinking that you were a real girl”. This is also why we might be tempted to reveal our secret to a total stranger while out and about. What is the purpose of playing the role if there is no one to appreciate how well you play it when confronted with reality?

Ok, enough of this for now. I know that most of you were expecting me to talk about my outing and see photos and videos but I needed to get these thoughts out of the way before proceeding to the more frivolous stories about Cristy’s successes in the real world. I promise that the next entry will be about that seventh time to the shrink and will post photos and videos related to it. For now, I leave you with the photo here showing what I wore out (for those reading the blog on Yahoo 360).

I hope that you find this writing interesting and worth reading and that some of you are able to identify with my conclusions.

A big hug to each and every one of you.

Cristy

Dearest friends,

Before I bore you to death with my story here I would like to let you know that I have read all your comments and messages in my different sites and am very flattered and thankful to have so many wonderful and dear friends. I will be away on vacation with my family from July 7 until July 23 but thought I’d made the effort to write this new epic before leaving. During my vacation I will not have access to the Internet. I want you all to know that I miss you heaps and hope to be back in action soon. The next paragraph is a message in Spanish so you can skip it if you don’t speak the language.

Hugs,
Crsity

Queridas amigas,

Primero que todo quiero darles las gracias por sus lindos mensajes y muestras de cariño. Las extraño mucho pero me hace sentir muy bien el saber que, a pesar de estar algo alejada, ustedes siguen siendo muy especiales conmigo. A partir de mañana, 7 de julio saldré de vacaciones al extranjero con mi familia por dos semanas y no tender acceso a Internet. Por la premura de mi viaje ya no me fue posible escribir la historia en castellano pero les prometo que las próximas volverán a estar en los dos idiomas. Quiero que sepan que las extraño muchísimo y siempre están en mis pensamientos y oraciones.

Besos,
Cristy


NOW, ON TO THE STORY (please give your opinion in the poll at the end)


A week prior to my appointment as Cristy I had had an appointment in male mode and had set the date and time with the doctor for Wednesday, June 20 at 11 a.m.,. We agreed that he would tell the secretary that Cristy had called him on his cell phone, from Miami, to set the appointment and that I would call later to confirm it. On the following Monday, two days before the appointment, I called the secretary and this time I did not have to remind her who it was. She recognized my voice and told me that the doctor had already informed her about my appointment. I told her that it was calling to confirm and that it was going to be nice to see her again.


On Wednesday, I got up early, took a shower and drove down to my parents home where I had set the stage the day before in order to save time. I had brought all my feminine needs including two new pieces of hardware that I was dying to try on and was sure would make a noticeable difference in my appearance. I am talking about my brand new Amoena Classic Contact 351 breast forms and my new waist cincher (see links below).

http://www.thebreastformstore.com/amoena-contact351-breastforms.aspx

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Fifi-Ultimate-Cincher/dp/B0002ZQWZA/ref=pd_sbs_a_1_img/105-9327914-6378811#moreAboutThisProduct

I can now say, and you will judge when you see the pics, that both have been wonderful investments. Can you believe that I did not have any breast forms or corsets before? I don’t know why I waited so long but am glad I finally decided to get some and will never leave home without them ever again.

So, I got to my parent’s home at around 7:30. I had already decided on what to wear and was hopping that this time I would be able to be ready early enough to get to the shrink’s office ahead of time to have some chat time with the secretary. As soon as I got there all clean and shaven (beard only) I took my forms out of their cases and set them in place by just pressing them to my chest. The feel was so natural and they stuck strongly even with a fairly haired chest. I put on a long T-shirt with no bra and started the ritual of making my face up. I could feel my breasts bounce and move in harmony with every movement I made. Finally, I was able to feel what it was like to have my own breasts!!! To those of you who are thinking about it, it is definitely worth every penny and to those of you who already have yours, you know what I am talking about.

It took me two and a half hours to get ready and my breast forms stayed perfectly in place, without a bra, for all that time. Putting on a bra had a complete new meaning this time. There was really something to cover and hold and it felt so nice. I remember Mary Kabuki describing this feeling to me and I was now able to confirm her description. After putting my bra on I then put the waist cincher and tightened it as much as I could. I wished I had had help in this matter but was able to manage alone. I did this before putting my fingernails because I was afraid to damage them with the pulling of the strings. Under the cincher I was wearing panties and had improvised some hip padding with old shoulder pads. When I looked in the mirror I could not believe my eyes! I was mesmerized and thought that it was too bad that I was not fully shaved so that I could wear something more revealing. I had to settle for a long black skirt with a black top and my black boots that I got in Montreal. The outfit covered all that needed to be covered and at the same time was somehow flattering to my newly achieved figure. I put on my press-on fingernails, a tad of perfume and as soon as I had all my feminine necessities in my purse I was ready to leave. The links below show the outfit I was wearing:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261172/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261276/

For the first time in six visits to the shrink I was ready a half an hour early and had time to get into character. I decided that it would be a nice touch to bring something for the secretary and the doctor so before driving to the doctor’s office I drove to a small mall nearby and went to a coffee shop to get some cookies for them. I parked the car in the basement, got off and took the escalators to the second floor. I was feeling totally feminine especially with my new form-giving gadgets and was not nervous at all. As usual, I tried not to be self-conscious and minded my own business. I got in the coffee shop and asked one of the ladies there if they sold cookies by the pound. She greeted me and showed me what they had. I told her that I needed two ¼ lb-bags of assorted cookies. While she was putting the cookies in the bags I had some small talk with her about the weather and then she said “Mam, if you’d like to go ahead and pay before I am done you can do it”. I went to the cashier and there was an older man ahead of me in the line. He was done paying but was still standing in line. When he saw me he said, “Adelante señorita” “Go ahead miss” Wow, I was happy to be perceived as a young woman imagine how I, a 46-year-old CD felt when he thought of me as a señorita!!!! I thanked him, opened my purse and paid while talking to the cashier lady about how hot it felt in there. I then picked the bags and left saying goodbye to them. I did not detect any suspicious look in any of them and with more confidence than before headed for the car while stopping at a couple of windows to check some clothes and shoes. For the sake of it I decided to get into one of the shops that had some shoes displayed in the window and asked the lady there if she had some high-heeled sandals in gold. She tended me as she would any other customer and showed me what she had but all were 3-inch heels at most so I told her that I needed at least 4” heels explaining that even though I was tall for a woman did not feel comfortable wearing lower heels. She apologized for not having anything else to show, I thanked her, went out the door and took the escalators down to the basement. I got in the car, checked my makeup and hair and drove off to the doctor’s office.

As I got in the car as any other person would with other people around and passing by I thought to myself, “Cristy, you have graduated as a woman”. With more confidence than ever before I drove out the mall and on to the doctor’s office. Since this time there would be no meeting with my sister-in-law afterwards because she was away on business, I had arranged to meet with a GG friend for lunch at the restaurant that is next door to the doctor’s office. This Girl has known about Cristy for some time and has seen amny of her photos on the Web. At first I had planned to go alone but then I thought that it would be safer to go with someone else in case of trouble. While driving to the doctor’s I called her to let her know that I was on my way and to set a time for our meeting.

After arriving to the doctor’s office, I parked the car, again checked my makeup and hair and got off carrying my purse and the two bags with cookies. I walked to the door and rang the bell. The secretary came to open and we greeted each other with kisses on the cheek. I handed her a bag of cookies and told her that I had met with a friend for coffee before getting there and that I though about getting some cookies for her. She seemed surprised by the gesture and thanked me with a big smile.

As I got in the waiting room I noticed that there was a gentleman sitting in the chair where I usually sit so I sat in front of him and the secretary. I greeted him and he returned the greeting with a smile. I was five minutes early and the secretary told me that the doctor was running late and that it would take a few more minutes. I thought that it was wonderful since that would give me the chance to talk with her for a longer time. It seems that the secretary and the gentleman were already chatting before I arrived and when she asked me how I had been we started talking and he jumped in the conversation, which turned out very lively. We talked about my (fictitious) life in Miami, what I did for living (the secretary already knew) and how I found life there. I don’t recall if I have mentioned this before but the story is that Cristy owns a small business in Miami, FL that creates corporate image and deals with public relations for small to mid-sized local companies. She has lived there for the past 9 years since her divorce and she does not have any children because she can’t conceive. When she comes to visit her parents in Guatemala, she makes appointments to see the doctor. The secretary already knew some of these facts but the gentleman kept asking and I was filling him in. We also talked about politics and what I thought of the ongoing political campaign here. Another topic of conversation was how the secretary was doing with her college. She is studying business administration and was preparing for final exams. The gentleman seemed very interested in the conversation and made me feel very at ease. It was nice to experience the special treatment men give women even in trivial situations like an informal conversation at a doctor’s waiting room. We talked for about 20 minutes and at no point I felt as if he or the secretary were uncomfortable or had any second thoughts about my authenticity as a woman. The secretary even asked if I did not have any trouble with tar on my heels and if I had been able to remove it from the sandals I wore the previous time. I replied that I was able to get the job done with Goo-Gone.

The patient that was in with the doctor, a female, finally came out of the office and down the stairs. She greeted us and we greeted her back. I knew that my time to go in had come but, as I suspected, the gentleman was one of those people who visit doctors to sell medical products and he had been waiting for a long time to see the doctor. The secretary told him that the doctor was ready to see him and told me that it would be a few more minutes. He got up and very politely excused himself explaining that it would only take a couple of minutes and that I would be able to go in right away. I smiled and told him that there was no problem. Two minutes later he was back and I told him “Wow! That was really quick”. He said, “I promised you it would not take long”. The secretary asked me to go in the doctor’s office and I got up and said good-bye to the gentleman and thanked him for the chat. He smiled and said that he was pleased to have met me. I went upstairs, greeted the doctor and handed him the bag of cookies. Since the place where I got the cookies is also famous for chocolate, he thanked me and asked how did I know that he had a passion for chocolate. I replied that I didn’t know and that those were cookies not chocolate. He said that he liked the cookies from that place too but now I know what to bring the next time I come.

Once in his office, I sat on the couch and was ready to begin my sixth appointment. I was thrilled with the wonderful chat I had had with the secretary and the gentleman and told the doctor all about it and how relaxed and at ease I had been all the time. He complimented me on my appearance and told me that he had not seen me wearing any of that before. I replied, “I could come here 100 times and if it is up to me, you will never see me repeat an outfit”. He laughed and I replied that women like me take good care in choosing what to wear and try not to repeat the same outfit to the same place or with the same crowd. Yes, I know, I can be vain too LOL but aren’t most women at least in that regard?

The conversation with the doctor focused mostly on how I felt and I described my sensations and excitement earlier at the mall. I also told him about my plans to go for lunch after the appointment. He agreed that it was a good idea that I had decided not to go by myself. It has been two weeks since then and I have forgotten many details so I will spare you with the nitty-gritty of our conversation. I guess it is worth mentioning that I pointed out my new figure enhancing gadgets and he was very curios about how they worked and how had I gotten them (I know what most of you are thinking but I can assure you that he is not one of ours LOL) Another thing worth mentioning is that during our conversation he commented that he perceived me and treated me as any other female patient with one slight difference… Cristy was the only female patient that he greeted with a handshake and not with a kiss on the cheek. We laughed and I am sure that we both had the word “yikes” at the top of our minds LOL.

When my time was up I said goodbye and left the office shaking his hand ;-) I went down the stairs to pay and say goodbye to the secretary, taking my time. The psychologist that my alter ego knows came by to talk to the secretary and we greeted each other (if she only knew). I asked the secretary if I could wait a bit longer there until my friend came to the restaurant and she said that there was no problem. We talked for a short while until my friend called to let me know that she was almost there. I said goodbye to the secretary with the now usual kiss on the cheek, as she thanked me again for the cookies. I went to the car to comb my hair and touch up my makeup and then walked to the restaurant.

When I entered the restaurant the host came to greet me. I looked around, knowing that my friend was not there yet, and said that I was meeting with someone there. He responded with a sentence that will always be memorable to me. He said “Well, there is a gentleman sitting at the table over there” pointing to a guy who was alone; apparently waiting for someone. At the moment I did not realized the importance of his remark and just replied that I was meeting with another girl that, apparently, was not there yet. He led me to the non-smoking section and pulled the chair for me to sit down.

While waiting for my friend, I ordered a glass of lemonade and called her to find out if she was coming. She told me that she was just arriving. When she came in we kissed our hellos and sat down. When I asked her if I looked the part she said, “without a question”. I did not look around to see if people were looking at me when I was alone or at us when she arrived. However, I noticed occasional looks by some of the waiters. I figure that they were either suspicious or my being relatively tall had caught their attention. I will not say that it was my looks because, being totally honest and objective, if anything, I am very average except for my height. Being 5’-6” is tall for a woman here and if you add the 4” heels we are talking tall Latina. One more thing that is a sure giveaway and at least will make anyone who notices suspicious are the relatively large hands. However, in my opinion, and given the nature of our people, I am sure that if there had been doubts about the tall woman being a guy there would have been a lot of stares and waiters getting together whispering among them. I did not notice anything like that nor did my friend. The one thing that made me wonder was that when we were ordering, the head waiter came really close to me with his face about a foot from mine. Was it that he was looking for a sign, a proof or just checking my eye makeup? I will never know. The fact is that I was not intimidated by his proximity and looking at him straight in the eye I ordered and after that he behaved normally.

Conversation with my friend was lively and I really felt as a girl talking with a girlfriend. We joked and teased each other and she did not make me feel odd at any time. I was a bit uncomfortable because it was hot and I could feel my makeup melting and was sure that my face was all shiny. If you add my wearing boots, a long skirt and a 3/4 sleeve top, you can imagine how I felt. We were there for about an hour and a half and then I asked for the check, paid and we left the place.

Another interesting incident worth mentioning is that during lunch I noticed that a high school buddy came in the restaurant. He did not sit close to us but he walked close to our table on his way to the bathroom. I was talking to my friend so I did not look at him but when I told her who he was, she said that he had looked our way. In any case, there is a fat chance in hell that he would have been able to tell who the woman in black really was. When he returned from the bathroom I looked his way but he did not look towards us. If he had looked our way I would have smiled to see how he would have reacted… or maybe not. I guess that this is one more thing I will never know. In any case, this is proof of why it is risky to be out and about at normal places in a city where you know so many people especially in the neighborhoods you move about.

When a day later I asked my friend what had she thought of Cristy she said that I looked just like in my photos and that the feature she had liked the most were my eyes, which, if you remember, was also what my sister-in-law thought. I also asked her about the voice and she said that it was very convincing. I think that Cristy has, indeed, graduated as a woman but am sure that given the right circumstances I can be told and if that ever happens I am prepared to face it with grace, confronting the involved parties (if I sense it is safe).

After saying goodbye to my friend I got in the car and drove back to my parent’s home for yet another afternoon of picture taking. This time I borrowed a professional camera from my dearest friend Laura Recinos. OMG, what a difference a good camera makes! The lens allowed me to set the tripod quite close to me but since it did not have preset distances to focus I had to place something where I would stand to focus and then remove it and shoot as many photos as I could in that location. Sometimes it worked great and others the photos were a bit out of focus but in general the results were awesome. I took around 180 photos wearing only 3 outfits (about half what I usually take on a single session). I had brought with me about ten new dresses that my wife and I had bought in a recent trip to the US and 4 new pairs of heels. However, I was tired and was contempt with the two extra outfits (besides the one I wore out) and two new pairs of shoes. I guess that, at least, there is something to look forward to for the next time.

You have already seen what I wore out so I will not talk about that outfit. The second outfit I tried was a short-red dress that is very flattering to the figure. I have never dared to wear it because it has an open back with spaghetti straps and is a bit tight. With my new breast forms and waist cincher I was ready for it. I had tried it a few days before and was amazed by how it looked on me with the right gadgets. I wore it with a new pair of platform peep-toes with 4 1/2” heels. To be honest, I was delighted with my reflection on the mirror. Granted that I would never go out wearing that dress, it felt dreamy. The following are links to some photos I took with it:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/738489653/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/738489579/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261502/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261326/

After that dress, I tried another short dress. It is the kind of dress I would love to wear for a night out clubbing (in my dreams LOL) It is not a dress that is flattering to the figure but it is and makes you feel very feminine. I just love the new short dresses that are in fashion for this season. They remind me of the 60’s and are utterly feminine. I wore the dress with my new black peep-toe sling backs with 4 1/4" heels. I swear that if I did not have arms that are more muscular than those of a GG I would definitely look forward for a chance to wear it out. The following are links to photos taken with that dress. I have to say that, like with the red dress, I did not wear a bra but the cleavage is enhanced with Photoshop since I did not shave and taped my chest. I have no problem doing the Photoshop thing now that I have proven myself that I can produce the same or even better results with tape and a cleanly shaved chest. Besides, if supermodels have their photos enhanced, we, the needy and boobie-impaired, have a better excuse to do it :D

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/738489609/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261488/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/738489675/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/739261304/

For those of you who have made it this far, I thank you and inform you that the suffering is almost over. Let me finish by telling you that the Friday after the shrink visit on Wednesday, Cristy called the doctor’s office, before “returning to Miami”, to inquire about how had the secretary done in her final exams. When she answered the phone and I greeted her she recognized my voice. I told her that after our conversation about her finals I was wondering how had she done. She told me that she did well and that it was very sweet of me to call (sweet being used with the feminine gender). She also thanked me again for the cookies and we said goodbye looking forward to our next meeting.

One more comment before I go. I promise this is the last… or is it? After saying goodbye to the doctor on Wednesday I told him that one way we could get feedback if the secretary had any suspicions would be him asking her if Cristy had been upset for the long wait in her appointment. The idea was to see if she mentioned anything out of the ordinary with regards to this woman. The following Tuesday I had my regular appointment as a guy and he told me that she said that Cristy did not get upset. She said that on the contrary, she had been very polite and that she seemed to be cool about it while talking with her and the man who was there. She also told him “she even brought some cookies for me”.

Ok, this is it for now. I think this is getting boring for all of us so I promise that the next time I will try to write about other stuff or not write at all. In any case, it is a good way to keep the memories alive and share with my friends my joy. It occurs to me that maybe I should do it in episodes or parts. You can give me feedback by responding to the poll at the end.

I hope you are all well. I continue to be very busy at work but thank God will be taking a long awaited family vacation. Keep in mind that I will not be able to check any of my sites from July 7 to the 23.

Lots of hugs and kisses to all.

Crsity