As I sit here basking in the uneasy headspace of a Vicodin and Methocarbamol cocktail, I am pondering the future possibilities of recovery and reclamation of my life. This past Friday, I underwent corrective back surgery at the Duke V.A. Hospital in Durham North Carolina; yes thats my back in the picture above, needless to say, the surgery was a success by all definitions of the word, however, the lingering pain does tend to promote reflections upon the two and a half years spent fighting the system in order to obtain the surgery I needed in order to take back my life and reclaim my position as a self sufficient, self assured and productive member of society.
Tedious times befall each of us, and during these times our vision can be blurred and blackened by a multitude of mental maladies’ which bring with them doubt and depression that are truly unbeneficial for us. My greatest solace through this whole terrible tirade has been my wife, who exemplifies how the strength of love can overcome obstacles in the face of fear, pain, doubt and adversity. Without her I would have undoubtedly succumbed to a plethora of mental notions which would have left me detached from the world, wallowing in the great pit of depression that so easily pulls us in and persuades us into sloth and self imposed solitary confinement, thank you my love, without you I would have never been able to fight hard enough to reclaim myself and us, you have been my rock and my strength through it all.
To say I was apprehensive about the surgery is a grand understatement; after all, the Veterans Affairs Department has a long history of complaints from my fellow service members for their lack of not only prudence and practice, but stemming from their quality of care due to the bureaucratic nature of the organization. Two and a half years is a long time to live in constant pain and it was made to feel even longer due to my own mental frustration of dealing with the fact that I could no longer perform physically as I had before, yet I truly believe in the old axiom of “That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger”. Keeping with that singular philosophy, by the time I have completed recovery, I should be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, travel faster than a speeding bullet, and be more powerful than a locomotive, however, I will be satisfied by just being able to be me again, in any capacity of what that means to me.
My experience with the V.A. has been a rollercoaster ride of magnanimous proportions, at times leaving me befuddled and bereft of any positive emotions due to their stagnant and lackadaisical attitude. To date there have been literally scores upon scores of phone calls, dozens of clinic visits, and one lengthy letter written to Governor Easley, whose office was most sincerely concerned, enough so that my case was escalated promptly at a time when it seemed I was yet another victim of the dreaded “red-tape” that envelopes anything to do with government programs. To Governor Easley and his office staff I must extend my gratitude and my thanks for helping give a swift kick to the posterior of the lazy beast known as the Department of Veterans Affairs, by my experience, they are truly empathetic towards those individuals who have served their country and by that service, have been injured in the line of duty.
I must admit, that despite my previously inferred opinion of the Department of Veterans Affairs, my experience at the Duke VA Hospital was one of welcomed surprise. The staff and doctors quickly dispersed my fears with their superb professionalism and unsurpassed care. From the moment we arrived, they treated me and my wife with exemplary concern, made us feel welcomed, comfortable, and showered us with copious amounts of genuinely felt hospitality. From the intake nurse to the physician’s assistants, all the way to the anesthesiologist and the neurosurgeon who performed the two and a half hour operation to the post operative staff on the seventh floor, we were treated with the utmost superior attention. Any questions or concerns were promptly addressed and each and every individual we had contact with made us feel as if I was top priority. The fact that I am, for the first time in two and a half years, able to walk without a limp so soon after such an invasive procedure is a resounding testament to not only the quality of their care, but to their knowledge and ability as a surgical team, I am left with the solid opinion that one would be hard pressed to find a better or more capable hospital than the Duke V.A. Hospital, my adulations and praise for them are heartfelt and honest.
The pain of progress is upon me, and albeit intense and severely uncomfortable for me at the moment, this moment has been long awaited as a turning point for me on my path to recovery. I could use every expression I have heard made about pain, that it is weakness leaving the body, that it lets you know you are still alive, or dozens of other sayings on its very existence, however, the truth is we all know that it sucks, that pain is a part of life and that nobody is immune to its effects, yet for me, it has never felt so good.
In the blink of an eye
Worlds can change
Life turns awry
And embraces the strange
It may seem abominable
Or likely impossible
Pain is inevitable
Suffering is optional
Fabrications of reality
Get in the way of the truth
Visions that lack clarity
Due to a drug induced stoop
It may seem unstoppable
and sometimes unbearable
Pain is inevitable
Suffering is optional
This is just one fact
That you must understand
Life is to be lived
Through all the things we withstand
Life is redeemable
And happiness is attainable
Pain is inevitable
Yet suffering is optional
Louis
