Lord kuja

INTERESTS

• Interests: There was a time in my life where I believed I had it all. I had everything that I could ever possibly want, from every desire spawned. It was a belief I held only after I had lost everything that was previously mine, that was previously my life. But no longer filled with nothing but a sorrowful and bitter strength that rages over loss I see a more infinite life. I still harbour and treasure each and every one of them. As I cannot possess them physically, I harbour them with my own mind.
• Favorite Music: I can question for the rest of my life what would they be thinking of me now. If they were somehow over my shoulder, over one deed or another, I could question and wonder but instead of being constantly pricked with the loneliness, the pain and remorse as they will never again be behind my shoulder, never to approve or disapprove of me, I instead harbour my perception of their beautiful spirits there non the less. Instead of “what would” I would instead just know from a feeling, a presumption.
• Favorite Movies: Knowing them has made me who I am and I do not wish to go on alone. From a lonely and tired waitress filling my glass, her 100th customer of the night to a first love, any one of them will randomly, though with more relevance than is probably consciously understood at the time, and too fleeting and re-occurring to remember, they appear, and through my conscious of theirs, I judge and view myself. Sometimes maybe hundreds of judgements and opinions at a time, though it is so normal that I do not
• Movies I Want to See: think twice. “If he were here now, would he care?” Was my first thought until imagining him to be standing someplace behind me as I pour myself a drink. Touching the glass, he spawned, and I could not bring myself to turn around, though my heart beat faster I knew he was not there. Though I yearned for it so much, I wanted him to be there, over a glass of brandy. And eventually I just gave into my longing. He is always there now in these random and fleeting moments, as if just passing
• Favorite Books: through as I neither welcome nor deter him, he comes and goes as he pleases, as I desire. Though even seeing the world on a higher and philosophical plain, I can not feel so isolated as to not feel isolation. Time goes by, days you’re afraid of counting, days you try to count out, afraid of the life you’re letting drift past as if that were escape. The days you missed knowing you were simply avoiding the pain builds and towers until the fateful walling tumbles down around you and slowly, leaking
• Books I Want to Read: tears, you carefully and gently rebuild that comforting fort of all your philosophies, covering up the fundamental aspect that you were not truly regarding him. Thinking of tomorrow, thinking of yesterday when you’re not content with today. Everything always boils down to the same fundamental things, yet a vast abundance of diversity on their tiny scales beautifully exaggerates into larger importances. Though arrogant and selfish of me, I have always thought myself alone, estranged, prior to
• Favorite Quotes: meeting the group. Even as I let myself go mad, burning and fuelled upon such basic feelings and emotions I wasn’t aware of or knowing how to deal with, I thought myself on the other side of a glass I could never cross. And I see now my desire is not to cross that line, my mind has dissolved it as everything becomes more clear, everything becomes smaller and smaller and I am left with the choice of coinciding with a world I find more beautiful watching, a world where I do not exist.
• Favorite Foods: But I get over it and a new mentality based upon the same fundamental thoughts and theories allows me to let go, to indulge in life’s fruits as my estranged soul so desires. There are millions of thoughts on the same thing, and those millions are all in me.
• Anything Else: http://brandy-kuja.livejournal.com/